"but in some cases, sadly, the friendship no longer ‘works’, we no longer feel comfortable with them"... relate means slow down, tell, recount, leave... so, if a friendship no longer 'works' I rejoice because it's a sign of growth, but wanting to feel comfortable keeps me stuck, so that's where sadness comes from, which leaves me if I dare to feel sad.
That's obviously true Dawn, but beside my point, and I think I see the confusion. It's about the distinction between 'leave and end', the strength of a bond between people, and entanglements.
Day in day out we relate, and with many people we have or make a contract, we even journey together by boarding ships, like kinship, friendship, relationship, partnership, and when we're done with relating, it could mean we're no longer interested, involved, engaged and so on, and we might leave, but there are many phases of departure, from withdrawing investment of energy in somebody to the actual disembarkation of a ship.
'Leave' could mean we say "I leave you to it... I go for a walk" or "I know I've done unpaid overtime for 20 years, but next week I want to get paid or I'll go home at the end of my shift", or "I know it's early to talk about Christmas dinner, but since I didn't enjoy it, and learning to say what is true in me, it would be a big relief for me to share that I will not participate this year" or, if less brave or practising to relate, we might say "I see what you mean... awfully sorry I have to go... I have an appointment...", or if we practise losing control we might say "Fff off, I have enough"....
See the colourful palette of opportunities in relating, and art to relate, besides the point I made in my initial response to the quote in your newsletter?
There is a great deal of nuance in the words we use, I agree. And it is likely that your interpretation of words, or some of them at least, is different from mine.
Also, I put the word ‘works’ in inverted commas intentionally, because there can be many reasons that a relationship of any form no longer feels the same as it used to an therefore does not seem to ‘work’ anymore. The point is to decide what we choose to do when we feel that way. There will always be something to learn from a change in how we feel about people.
And I agree that feeling ‘comfortable’ is not always useful for our growth. However, I don’t think that feeling ‘comfortable’ with certain people is problematic.
I didn't say you were confused, I pointed at the confusion that might occur when we assume that leave means the same as end, in order to dive in the dynamics between the words leave and end, and what it could possibly mean in relationships, and I'm glad you see the nuance although it wasn't based on my interpretation of the words... it was based on etymology, dictionaries and my experience in using words to convey the energies behind words that bridge in circumstances were there seems to be confusion and thus controversy between people.
No matter how you or I interpret words, using the wrong ones in court can get us imprisoned, that's a fact. Therefore, to take a short cut, certain words have the power to facilitate healing; certain words uplift or hinder the rise of consciousness.
I'm doing my best to bridge confusion and remedy controversy if I sense it so that I can pass on the healing I received from playing with words that enable me to say what's true in me, backed up by a long history and a lot of proof that it works for me and all the people I meet in terms of healing and the rise of consciousness.
I agree that if a relationship doesn't feel the same as in the beginning of a relationship it could mean that it doesn't 'work' anymore, and yes there are many reasons for this, and yes the question is what do we do with these feelings.
BUT, before we decide what to do, we need to know what the feeling is telling us, in other words, I need to know what's going on in me. The clarity of this knowledge is more often than not confused by the fear of leaving, i.e. taking a step back out of the investment in a relationship and using energy and our attention as an investment in the inquiry of what's going on in me. Hence, my use of the word entanglement previously, in my first comment.
The point that I made was "what we won't feel can't heal" and "wanting to feel comfortable keeps me stuck".
It's common knowledge that we suppress feelings (and pain, fears and emotions) and subdue spirit to accommodate people around, because we don't want to rock the boat, so to speak.
We usually label it as comfort zone. Wanting to feel comfortable or any other feeling we want to get usually gets us frustrated and disappointed in the long run, the same happens when we want to stay where we are, afraid to rock the boat, terrified of the unknown.
The blanket of comfort is one of the most important obstacles in the way of allowing healing.
The consequences of the breaking up and falling apart of a relationship are huge in most people's lives and circumstances.
Think of the financial and social shifts, the kids and pets, housing and work arrangements, the feelings and emotions of abandonment and rejection, guilt and shame, the position in the community and so on... no wonder many people choose to suppress pain, feelings, emotions, fears and subdue spirit.
No wonder the new buzz-words are community and tribe. It can be used as a bypass.
Instead of feeling what's going on in me and telling what's true in me in my current relationships I can jump into a tribe and have fun relating without entanglements.
I'm not saying it's wrong but it's a possibility that I've seen many people take out of fear for feeling alone for instance, which kept them from addressing the patterns of relating that kept them going around in circles, and swapping one relationship for another relationship was no guarantee either for more freedom from these patterns of entanglement, until they allowed themselves to dive deep in their inquiry of what our feelings (life and body) are actually telling us.
I know I fell in this trap, and it hurt, but I got many insights from feeling hurt. That's what I share here.
Relating to ourselves first
Instead of asking 'what to do' when we feel (whatever) finding what I can't do anymore in a relationship and why; finding what hinders my growth; asking questions like, do I allow distraction from what I really want to do in life, spirited and all; am I compromising myself; am I honest and in integrity, are all beneficial in genuine inquiry, what's going on in me. Then, I can act upon it, for instance relate it to somebody else.
Freedom waits patiently
In the pit of pain
It needs fertile soil
To flower
Since you invite people in the tribe and since you have a Substack about addressing the way in which people get confused, and worry about making decisions about health and healing I wanted to add my 2-cents.
I want to paint an even more colourful picture that includes many shades in addition to what you've already done here on the Substack platform, because the reason why people are avoiding responsibility for, for instance, their investment in passing on lies about health and healing is the same reason that people have for avoiding feelings when a relationship no longer works... entanglement.
Based on discomfort that the consequences of leaving bring... the comfort zone has us in a grip by the avoidance of the inevitable pain, feelings, emotions and fears when we know we have to leave, but choose to hide "what's true in me".
In a previous newsletter you said that we have many different challenges, but I would argue that we only have one... what we won't feel, can't heal.
Also in previous newsletters you list feelings and emotions, for instance overwhelm, but what I'm missing is a suggestion from you to your readers to feel overwhelmed.
So, I'm gonna say it...
Feel it deeply... IT HEALS
Leaving parts that don't belong in me
automagically pass-on healing
I receive because of it,
to others. Healing is viral ;)
PS
It lights me up to share it with you and your readers without attachment to a need for you to appreciate what I have added to your Substack, which doesn't mean I don't appreciate what you say and do. Fair to say, I really love what you're doing and sharing, and I feel grateful 🤗 now.
Thanks for sharing your feeling Gram. Yeah, argue... the word did get a negative label, but it does "make clear, make known, prove, declare, demonstrate" (from a suffixed form of PIE root *arg- "to shine; white").", and I did start with 'just' a comment; it developed into a conversation and a dive into the details, which is similar to what Dawn does with the statements of the medical establishment 👍
I so want to go to Music & Sky but can't make the dates for this one, hopefully the next. Thanks for sharing, it's tough finding tribe.
"but in some cases, sadly, the friendship no longer ‘works’, we no longer feel comfortable with them"... relate means slow down, tell, recount, leave... so, if a friendship no longer 'works' I rejoice because it's a sign of growth, but wanting to feel comfortable keeps me stuck, so that's where sadness comes from, which leaves me if I dare to feel sad.
What we won't feel can't heal 🤗
I agree that change is usually a sign of growth, but it doesn't always mean that the friendship has to end, only that something needs to change.
That's obviously true Dawn, but beside my point, and I think I see the confusion. It's about the distinction between 'leave and end', the strength of a bond between people, and entanglements.
Day in day out we relate, and with many people we have or make a contract, we even journey together by boarding ships, like kinship, friendship, relationship, partnership, and when we're done with relating, it could mean we're no longer interested, involved, engaged and so on, and we might leave, but there are many phases of departure, from withdrawing investment of energy in somebody to the actual disembarkation of a ship.
'Leave' could mean we say "I leave you to it... I go for a walk" or "I know I've done unpaid overtime for 20 years, but next week I want to get paid or I'll go home at the end of my shift", or "I know it's early to talk about Christmas dinner, but since I didn't enjoy it, and learning to say what is true in me, it would be a big relief for me to share that I will not participate this year" or, if less brave or practising to relate, we might say "I see what you mean... awfully sorry I have to go... I have an appointment...", or if we practise losing control we might say "Fff off, I have enough"....
See the colourful palette of opportunities in relating, and art to relate, besides the point I made in my initial response to the quote in your newsletter?
I am not sure why you think I am confused.
There is a great deal of nuance in the words we use, I agree. And it is likely that your interpretation of words, or some of them at least, is different from mine.
Also, I put the word ‘works’ in inverted commas intentionally, because there can be many reasons that a relationship of any form no longer feels the same as it used to an therefore does not seem to ‘work’ anymore. The point is to decide what we choose to do when we feel that way. There will always be something to learn from a change in how we feel about people.
And I agree that feeling ‘comfortable’ is not always useful for our growth. However, I don’t think that feeling ‘comfortable’ with certain people is problematic.
I didn't say you were confused, I pointed at the confusion that might occur when we assume that leave means the same as end, in order to dive in the dynamics between the words leave and end, and what it could possibly mean in relationships, and I'm glad you see the nuance although it wasn't based on my interpretation of the words... it was based on etymology, dictionaries and my experience in using words to convey the energies behind words that bridge in circumstances were there seems to be confusion and thus controversy between people.
No matter how you or I interpret words, using the wrong ones in court can get us imprisoned, that's a fact. Therefore, to take a short cut, certain words have the power to facilitate healing; certain words uplift or hinder the rise of consciousness.
I'm doing my best to bridge confusion and remedy controversy if I sense it so that I can pass on the healing I received from playing with words that enable me to say what's true in me, backed up by a long history and a lot of proof that it works for me and all the people I meet in terms of healing and the rise of consciousness.
I agree that if a relationship doesn't feel the same as in the beginning of a relationship it could mean that it doesn't 'work' anymore, and yes there are many reasons for this, and yes the question is what do we do with these feelings.
BUT, before we decide what to do, we need to know what the feeling is telling us, in other words, I need to know what's going on in me. The clarity of this knowledge is more often than not confused by the fear of leaving, i.e. taking a step back out of the investment in a relationship and using energy and our attention as an investment in the inquiry of what's going on in me. Hence, my use of the word entanglement previously, in my first comment.
The point that I made was "what we won't feel can't heal" and "wanting to feel comfortable keeps me stuck".
It's common knowledge that we suppress feelings (and pain, fears and emotions) and subdue spirit to accommodate people around, because we don't want to rock the boat, so to speak.
We usually label it as comfort zone. Wanting to feel comfortable or any other feeling we want to get usually gets us frustrated and disappointed in the long run, the same happens when we want to stay where we are, afraid to rock the boat, terrified of the unknown.
The blanket of comfort is one of the most important obstacles in the way of allowing healing.
The consequences of the breaking up and falling apart of a relationship are huge in most people's lives and circumstances.
Think of the financial and social shifts, the kids and pets, housing and work arrangements, the feelings and emotions of abandonment and rejection, guilt and shame, the position in the community and so on... no wonder many people choose to suppress pain, feelings, emotions, fears and subdue spirit.
No wonder the new buzz-words are community and tribe. It can be used as a bypass.
Instead of feeling what's going on in me and telling what's true in me in my current relationships I can jump into a tribe and have fun relating without entanglements.
I'm not saying it's wrong but it's a possibility that I've seen many people take out of fear for feeling alone for instance, which kept them from addressing the patterns of relating that kept them going around in circles, and swapping one relationship for another relationship was no guarantee either for more freedom from these patterns of entanglement, until they allowed themselves to dive deep in their inquiry of what our feelings (life and body) are actually telling us.
I know I fell in this trap, and it hurt, but I got many insights from feeling hurt. That's what I share here.
Relating to ourselves first
Instead of asking 'what to do' when we feel (whatever) finding what I can't do anymore in a relationship and why; finding what hinders my growth; asking questions like, do I allow distraction from what I really want to do in life, spirited and all; am I compromising myself; am I honest and in integrity, are all beneficial in genuine inquiry, what's going on in me. Then, I can act upon it, for instance relate it to somebody else.
Freedom waits patiently
In the pit of pain
It needs fertile soil
To flower
Since you invite people in the tribe and since you have a Substack about addressing the way in which people get confused, and worry about making decisions about health and healing I wanted to add my 2-cents.
I want to paint an even more colourful picture that includes many shades in addition to what you've already done here on the Substack platform, because the reason why people are avoiding responsibility for, for instance, their investment in passing on lies about health and healing is the same reason that people have for avoiding feelings when a relationship no longer works... entanglement.
Based on discomfort that the consequences of leaving bring... the comfort zone has us in a grip by the avoidance of the inevitable pain, feelings, emotions and fears when we know we have to leave, but choose to hide "what's true in me".
In a previous newsletter you said that we have many different challenges, but I would argue that we only have one... what we won't feel, can't heal.
Also in previous newsletters you list feelings and emotions, for instance overwhelm, but what I'm missing is a suggestion from you to your readers to feel overwhelmed.
So, I'm gonna say it...
Feel it deeply... IT HEALS
Leaving parts that don't belong in me
automagically pass-on healing
I receive because of it,
to others. Healing is viral ;)
PS
It lights me up to share it with you and your readers without attachment to a need for you to appreciate what I have added to your Substack, which doesn't mean I don't appreciate what you say and do. Fair to say, I really love what you're doing and sharing, and I feel grateful 🤗 now.
Thanks for the conversation Dawn.
Okeko - an oration is not a 'comment'.
I didnt appreciate all of your contribution(s). It felt a bit argumentative. Dawn is more gracious than I am.
Thanks for sharing your feeling Gram. Yeah, argue... the word did get a negative label, but it does "make clear, make known, prove, declare, demonstrate" (from a suffixed form of PIE root *arg- "to shine; white").", and I did start with 'just' a comment; it developed into a conversation and a dive into the details, which is similar to what Dawn does with the statements of the medical establishment 👍
Thank you for your contribution to the conversation, I do appreciate it.
Okeko,
If you do a short interesting comment then people will be attracted to your Substack.
But such a long one as you have here is an invasion of Dawn's Substack, and ties up her (and we, her readers') time.